Letters in the Night~

Here~ below, are the exact words I typed up, without pause or stop to think.~ Why think? Why wait.. why "edit" a feeling by writing it more Flowery or contrite..
Say what you must, but do so with dignity.~

Letter; to Dave & Elisabete (Moriarty)


Hey, It doesn't seem like I'm going to be able to get the time off work; said fridays a bitch, and it gets too busy. I'm sorry about that, I didn't think it would have been a problem. I'm sending this Txt to both of you, because Im trying to work on my Communication skills, and that's actually one of my Goals for my new year. I know its kinda late to be writing this now [both Time wise tonight, and just Now in gen.] but I just wanted to let you know I'm glad we're on more Happy-terms then we were when I was staying with you guys. I would actually like to have a talk with you guys about 'Those days' some time, cause I think there's still some skeletons in the closet I personally wanna bury. I know I haven't been the best brother, or friend, or even person [disclaimer: I'm not drunk or high, this is Me]. I must admit, I am a weird person; I have done dumb & weird things, which I know, and I apologize a thousand times over that I have let you down, or shown maybe my 'true colours'. I never did anything to hurt either of you, and I guess I'm just a better Writer than I am a speaker. I have issues. Major ones. And I knoww,, and I fucking hate it! I want to be able to talk freely with you guys, and be 'Myself' because I am pretty shy, self-centered and Proud as hell [don't ask me of why, or of what.. I really don't know.. Can't say Im anything special.] I have attitudes, ideas, biases, and even Whack ideas sometimes, and I blurt them out. The truth is,, and I never admit this to anyone, so bare with me,,, I just want to Be Something. I'm not saying Im 'Talented' or that I'm some kind of rock star [tho I wish I was], but my attempt at being creative can sometimes throw people off...

I don't let people really Get to Know the real Me inside, Because I'm afraid of being hurt, or seen as Weird. When all this is said and done, I'm only cocky to cope with much lack of Anything. I have no credentials, I have no 'riches', I can't say Im very Good at anything, but I do have a extremely analytical Mind. I think a lot about things; good and bad... I like helping ppl, and doing things when I Know its needed. I'm not Praising myself, just Explaining. I want you both to Understand me,,, because I Admire and respect both of you.

I can't even handle the fact that I am so called 'related' to such people as yourselfs, I truly do respect you, and all the bad things I did and have done, they weren't ever to Hurt, Spite, or Cause harm to u...~ I would have given my life if it would have stopped the damage from touching you. Honestly. This isn't supposed to be soMe Flowery letter, its truth, raw and real. I want to be able to speak Truthfully to you. I'm fucking sick of being Shy and unable to express myself for fear of what people think.

I do live in a bubble at times; I'm dumb and dont understand things [simply cause I never learned them, or because I didn't put the effort to learn how] I really want to be able to talk to you Freely and be actual Friends, because your both Awesome people, with crazy talents and achievements! I'm proud whenever I say ' My brother's a soon-to-be Sound Engineer, and my Sister in Law is an insane Hairstylist (insane as in extremely good)] I don't know much about Actual hair. But I do have my share of friends who are stylist, so I have seen and been around it.. I've had froends who have done hair in asia as well, and you (Elisabete) are the most confident and knowledgeable one I know (just from seeing u cut my hair, and the compliments I was showered with afterwards because of it!) :P.

I am a bit of a nympho at times,, and its not that I wanna be, or am trying to be some stupid 'Playboy',, I just love company, and I almost Need ppl to be around me [and lets just be honest, its easier to talk to a chick then a guy, and for the most part, ,more enjoyable] but dudes are cool too cuz you can then dump all the Bad side of yourself out on them :P Kind of a Yin & Yang thing. :P

Well this is getting LoNG and I don't wanna take up All of your time, but I do want you to understand me, and see what I'm at, because I know you care about me,,, and my wellbeing [probably more than I even care about myself], and I wanted to acknowledge it,, and let you know I LOVE the gift you got Me!! Not just cuz I'm a self-centred ass who likes taking pics of himself, [but Yea,,, that too... :P] but also to capture the world around. I really like doing stuff together, not like competition, but like, to do a Jam Dave, or some kind of 'Photography' shoot out,,, where we'd go out somewhere in nature or wtv and do a photo shoot, and compare? Or some form if Creative something. At the end of the day, all I care about is being Creative; whatever it may be.~ Music, writing, photography. Learning, art, travel, languages, SOMething that is making Me a better person. Cause, in the end, I know I have potential, I know I Can do whatever it is I want to do,, and I'm just tired of wasting it away.. I done see myself as Great, don't get me wrong. But what I am is what I am. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or anything, but I cannot Torture myself anymore for the sake of being Accepted, or being the nORM! I don't want to be like everyone else, its that simple. I want to be a better person, I want to see the sunrise, and I want to learn whatever it is I need to to become what I want to be.

I want to be Someone, I want to be something, even if that means I have to work 24hrs a day, and be crammed in a box, I'm sick of being and doing nothing, I just don't know where to start.
I'm dumb, and easily confused. I cant in my own good conscience, blame anyone but myself; no one had held me back but myself. Im tired of 'surviving', worrying about stupid 'money', which really, has no True value. How I see it is,, I want to be creative, and find a way to use my so called 'talents' for something useful & good. I want to be a good person, and actually help people who Truly need it..

we live in a world that slowly going to the dogs; we're all going To the dogs,, and even becoming dogs to some extent. I don't want to sound Crazy, or like a ranting lunatic, but we live in a very disgusting place, this world. I'm sick of it.. We're killing eachother, and ourselves simply cause we don't know how to be Civilized anymore.. We don't know the Good things in life anymore.. We've been told what's beautiful and what's good, and we are blind to anything and Everything else.

Im not into Religion, or any of that. I'm into things that Make a difference, that have an Effect, and actually Catch people's attention.

Music, people can understand music, night matter where they are, and that's why is so powerful; its the unspoken sentence. Conduct feelings through someone's mind, without even needing to open your mouth.

Now, in my case. Ive been too far to that side, that I'm more 'Photographic', I need to Display a feelings in a imagine, or song, or poem, or music, instead of Words spoken, and Thats why my communication skills Suck BLANK BLANK.

But, at the end of the road, [and this letter I hope] I have let you see a bit more Of me than before, and I hope you see how very grateful I am, and appreciative I am of the both of you.

Dave, we're brother's, But I can't say I ever felt I was equal or anything near to u..
I always felt like the damaged good, the loner and the ugly Ginger :P,, now, this isnt to say I'm Angry or hold anything against anyone, what I'm saying is,, I was shy, and I kept to my own. I still am to some extent. But Im sick of it,, and I want to take a stand on my own 2 Feet. Forget the rubbish past, forget, and only look at that amazing Future, and all that can be done, if I [and all of us, as Human-beings] can do to make the life something Worthwhile, instead of some terrible Day-job we have to clock in and out of.

I don't want to be average, or like everyone else, and I'm not going TO.. Im gonna be Me.. This is me.~ you both are dear friends of mine, I mean it, I don't care if it sounds dorky or lame, you are, and I respect you both utmostly.~

And Btw., I LOVE the camera... Its such an Awesome gift!!!!!!!!! I'm not good with Articulating emotionS, and that's why I didn't show it when I was there; I didn't feel worthy of it.. And I didn't want or think u should have gotten me anything. But. Know this! You guys are Awesome for doing that for Me!! And ill try and take some pics that won't make u Cringe :P
WHAT CAN I SAY.. I LIKE SHOCK/EFFECT ! :P

anyways, good night both of you, again, sorry I can't make it tomorrow, and, remember, I want to be Myself. I'm sick of being 'Afraid' or restrained. That's the only thing I hold against my childhood.. That I couldnt be Myself, I couldnt be individual. But now's my chance, and by god! Ill take it!! I'm gonna Live my life, I don't want to be bothered by Worry or What If's anymore. I wanna live.

See you guys around eh?? Maybe grab a drink on the weekend??? As a Celebritory-toast and Congrats for school?? Let me know.

-Dan.



Signed and sealed; like my fate.~ I typed it all up on my phone..~